The Heavens in Trouble called an A Team

God, Allah, Muhammad, Jesus, and Buddha were drinking a beer one day. The Gods were in Heavens situation room listening to reports of how the world was losing contact with its people. Religions were being led by charlatans. The disarray was horrible and the Gods in heaven were so sad.

One day Allah suggested that it was indeed not so bad since we United States had elected a Black man and there was hope. Jesus said bah humbug Allah that is just a blip and wont hardly make a difference with so many hard headed people in government only interested in their own pockets and most people glued to TV or surfing the internet, Jesus teared up and said, “I don’t see any hope.” Mohammad said, “oh Jesus you wimp.”

Elvis, an arch angel with his wings clipped short due to his many lacking ways stepped up and said, God, Allah, Buddha listen to me, I have a great idea, why don’t we bring some of our best angels to heaven early so that we can get their genius to help us.

Buddha said, I like that idea Elvis, but what who would we call up early. Muhammad said, “they must be 50 years old at least since I don’t want any inexperienced angels joining and helping our efforts.”

Elvis agreed, and God chimed in and said Elvis we are going to need music to entrance and bring our flock back to us. Elvis said, I recommend Michael Jackson, he is a great guy, flawed and learned some lessons, blameless for many things he is accused of, but its his genius and talent we need now. Buddha leaned over to his left and asked Mother Teresa, “He was innocent of all those nasty things?” Mother nodded and smiled at Mohammad.

But as good as Mike is we need someone to sell things. We need someone to get the word out, said Jesus. We need a real pitchman. Everyone looked a each other and one name was said by at least 2 at the same time. “Billy Mays!” Everyone smiled and God reached in his robe and pulled out his Oxyclean mini spray and said, “he keeps me glowing white.” Everyone laughed in unison and agreement.

Allah leaned over and whispered, we need an amazing woman, you cant sell anything without a Goddess. Betty Page, in her white fish net stockings and large white angel wings, a arch angel of the highest order stood up and stepped to the table from the arch angel back seats and yelled. “You all need someone with a heart, someone who has been through hardship and knows kindess in her soul, Bring Farah Fawcett. God, slapped Jesus on side of his head,” is that the poster you had in your rectory in the sacred garden Jesus?”

God, called over to his reapers and first in line was George Burns, a tarnished angel but a favorite of God and he said, “bring me this A team George, we will surely get this heavens back in order with them?

Then Allah looked over at George and said, “bring us a real newsman too, Walter Cronkite to tell it as it is.”

George nodded and tried suggesting a number of others from Marilyn Chambers to Steve McNair, but the Godess were unwavering in their list.

So it came to pass, and in 2009 the Gods recruited an A team to help them bring the world and Heavens back in balance.